focus

since the family left a week ago, anxiety and sleeplessness have flooded in. this summer was a gift. i received an unexpected inheritance late last spring. this meant that i didn't have to think about money. about sales. i could devote the summer to learning how to spin and enjoy a more balanced life - time for family and friends. time in the garden. mostly i learned how to focus on what i was doing.my continuous interior dialogue (what if this doesn't sell? what should i be doing differently? etc) was silent. this past week, all the worries and doubts and questioning that i had set aside have come in strong. i'm ok during the day but at night when i wake up - it's there - and i lay awake for hours with crazy fears and doubts (and plans) running through my head.

yesterday on our dog walk, i talked to my dear friend marilee about this. marilee introduced me to buddhism (through thich nhat hanh) about 6 years ago. she gave me, as always, wonderful advice. " figure out a way to keep these thoughts out. all these thoughts are about what may or may not happen in the future. get hold of them and toss them away. what is is what is happening at the moment. " so yesterday i set aside time for meditation and yoga (i've been very lax this summer) and last night before going to bed i did some more meditation. and i slept - i would wake but then i would sleep again. i just have to listen to my heart and go with my gut instincts...