Saturday, December 26, 2009

what is real

i went to bed last night - christmas night- feeling that my whole cyber world was collapsing out of control. i desperately need a new computer -- serious problems with this old one- and have been trying to get through the holidays so that i can get a deal on my purchase. but last night nothing was working and warnings were popping up. it's a little calmer this morning. and just before going to bed i checked my etsy shop and a "complicated" customer had resurfaced and emptied my shop (purchase without payment). i sorted that out this morning too. but it left me feeling very empty. this cyber world that i depend on so heavily now. that i don't understand and don't have control over. and i compare it to the solidity. the simple strength of what is around me. the cold ocean and the comforting fire at the cabin christmas eve day. the wonderfully thoughtful gifts that i received yesterday from friends and family - including this bowl to match my coffee cup that brenda gave me -(i had wanted to purchase or trade for at the one of a kind show and unknowingly brenda beat me to it). i need to simplify my online world and educate myself about it so that i don't feel so vulnerable when something goes wrong.

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