following the light

the days are short. where i live in corner brook (townsite) we are ringed with hills. the sun appears around 8:00 in the morning and dips behind the hills again around 3:30. i find when i'm indoors on a sunny winter day, i'm keenly aware of the light. the shadows it's creating. when it hits the livingroom. when it's in the kitchen. i follow it around.

what is real

i went to bed last night - christmas night- feeling that my whole cyber world was collapsing out of control. i desperately need a new computer -- serious problems with this old one- and have been trying to get through the holidays so that i can get a deal on my purchase. but last night nothing was working and warnings were popping up. it's a little calmer this morning. and just before going to bed i checked my etsy shop and a "complicated" customer had resurfaced and emptied my shop (purchase without payment). i sorted that out this morning too. but it left me feeling very empty. this cyber world that i depend on so heavily now. that i don't understand and don't have control over. and i compare it to the solidity. the simple strength of what is around me. the cold ocean and the comforting fire at the cabin christmas eve day. the wonderfully thoughtful gifts that i received yesterday from friends and family - including this bowl to match my coffee cup that brenda gave me -(i had wanted to purchase or trade for at the one of a kind show and unknowingly brenda beat me to it). i need to simplify my online world and educate myself about it so that i don't feel so vulnerable when something goes wrong.

merry christmas

i know i shouldn't be thinking like this...

but the weather has been mild for days now and the snow is melting in a spring-like fashion, and yesterday the first of the seed catalogues arrived in the mail, and i look outside at the greenhouse wrapped up in a bright blue tarp like a gift of potential...

tweaking rituals

we all have daily rituals. those little things we do every day - from either necessity or just choice - that weave in and out creating the pattern of our days. as i get older, i enjoy my rituals more and more. and it's what i miss when i'm away. i also find i pay more attention to them and work at getting them "just right". my nightly bath and read now involves a small heater in the bathroom so that i don't get out of the warmth of the bath to face a frigid room. another ritual keith and i share is having a small bowl of yoghurt (with a dollup of fruit or jam) in the evening. we never had the right size bowls and often ended up eating more than we wanted because the bowls were too big. while in toronto i bought these sweet little bowls at anthropologie (a store that i discovered in nyc and that nows has a couple of outlets in toronto). every evening, while i spoon yoghurt into them, i marvel at their beauty. this ritual is now just right...

solstice

winter is the season i wish didn't happen. i see it as a difficulty and just want to shut the doors and turn up the heat and wait it out until spring. today is the first day of winter. yesterday on our walk along the old highway, i watched the dogs (and their friends). they were just happy to be out and moving. it didn't matter to them that it was cold. that the colour was gone. i want to be like them...

some quiet magic

for the 2nd year in a row we'll have no children or grandchildren home for christmas. this means that we can decide - just for ourselves- what we do and don't want to do. and once again we've chosen not to get a christmas tree but to put up only a few well-chosen decorations to remind us that it is the holiday season. so friday, after finally cleaning the house, i hung an artificial bough with tiny lights over the livingroom archway. and instead of outdoor lights, a tiny artificial tree with twinkling lights in the front window. and on the mantel only my favourite decorations - ones i never tire of looking at - the papier machier reindeer and the feathery white trees flanking a vase of flowers (which i'll keep changing over the next few weeks). and later in the day i witnessed the light and shadows playing with the ornaments and i knew that if the room had been more cluttered with decoration, i would have missed it.